To All The Friends I’ve Loved Before

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Image Credit: pixabay.com

There is a special kind of love that we save just for our friends.  Not the kind of love that we share with our partner, but a kind of sweet, head over heels “giddy to have you in my life” sort of love.  A love that is warm and reassuring, like a favourite scarf that is as comforting as it is beautiful.  A love that is as familiar and gentle as the sun’s sweet sigh as it dips below the horizon.  A love that is a perfectly balanced blend of laughter and tears, sarcasm and thoughtfulness.  It is the kind of love that we share only with our dearest friends, the ones with whom we share our deepest fears and greatest regrets.  The ones we turn to, breathless with excitement, to share our biggest accomplishments, and most astonishing secrets.  It is the kind of love that is born out of trust and compassion, and it binds us so completely that we can lean into it, some days weak with need, without fear of causing it to break.  Finding a friend to build that kind of love with is as simple as it is rare, and as compelling as it is raw.

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When We Need To Talk, But Don’t

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Why do we hesitate and hold back instead of taking a chance to talk and open up?  We reach out then stop; an avalanche of words held back by a breath of doubt, a reluctant pause of uncertainty.  For with the tumble of words comes the unstoppable rush of emotions, the release of which leaves us vulnerable and weak.  We long to share the burdens we carry, to have their weight slowly eased from our back and replaced by a gentle, calming hand.

Perhaps we are practiced in the art of selflessness, and so we chose to take on the burdens of others before acknowledging our own.  Or maybe we have taken that first cautious step toward trusting another, but stumbled when their back was turned.  We search for trust, but are sometimes blinded by deceit.  Whatever the reason, it is a daunting endeavor for those of us who struggle often with this.

If you are holding on to your own set of troubles, unable to find the right time or person to share them with, please know that you are not alone.  Many of us feel this way.  And if you are someone who sees the flicker of hesitation in the eyes of the person next to you, consider asking them to share with you.  We all worry that we will inconvenience one another with our problems, but if we each take turns holding out our hands, we can share the weight together so that no one feels that they should struggle alone.

A Breath Of Honesty, A Sigh Of Relief

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Image source: pixaby.com

What is your story?

Not the story that you share with acquaintances whom you haven’t seen in a while; practiced lines exchanged like trading cards in the school yard.  Simple, yet interesting; exciting, but safe.  Not the story that you have built up in order to please your family, to pacify your coworkers or to reassure your friends.  Not the story that you tell yourself as you push forward, image built up, smile bright, head high, ready and waiting for the world to see you shine.  Not those stories.  Those are the pictures that you hang on your walls, the paintings on display for all to see.  Beauty, creativity, dedication and talent; your presentations and offerings to the world.

No, I want to know the story of your soul.  The story of who you are; the brushstrokes upon your canvas.  I can see who you are now, but I want to know how you became this way.  I want to understand what can’t possibly make any sense when you put it into words, but I want you to say it anyway.  I want to know you in that messy, beautiful way that is raw and uncensored.  I want to see you, but not just with my eyes, and hear you, but not only with my ears.  I want to figure out how you work until you no longer need to explain it.  That is when I will finally know you, and that is how I want you to know me, too.

This is what I want to say to people, but can’t, or won’t, because this kind of intensity is frowned upon.  It’s outside of our comfort zone, as it leaves us vulnerable and exposed.  It’s what I need though in order truly know you, and to feel comfortable with you.  It’s a compliment of sorts, for if you are someone I like, then I want to know you as well as you know yourself.  A dazzlingly disheveled kind of friendship; a breath of honesty, a sigh of relief.