Own It!

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Image credit: pixabay.com

I just saw a woman with the sexiest walk ever.  The kind of walk that stops traffic, which is literally what happened.  She very nearly caused an accident.

I want that walk.  I need it.  Now that I’ve seen it and know it exists, I need to find a way to own it.  Which is why instead of being quick about picking up the few grocery items that I need tonight, I am prepared to sashay slowly through the produce department until either my hips give out, or someone drops their apples.  Whichever comes first.

 

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Originally published on July 23, 2015 by Motherhood Made Me Do It

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Half Done

I’m at the hair salon for highlights and a cut. I’ve reached that point during the appointment where I have been left alone in front of a six foot mirror, sitting directly beneath a spotlight, hair an angry mess of tinfoil and shame, wondering how the hell I was able to reach this level of ugly in such a short period of time.

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Outside of the Matter

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The other day a woman in her 20s commented on how unusual it was that I was wearing my scarf wrapped around my neck and on the inside of my jacket.  “I didn’t realize there were other options,” I said.  Her eyes lit up.  “Oh of course there are!” she exclaimed.  “You could loop it around the outside of your jacket so it hangs down a bit”.

I shook my head.  “But how will my neck stay warm?” I asked.

She stared blankly at me.  “I don’t know…” she said after a moment.

Listen, I may not be the most fashionable person around (stop laughing), but at least I know how to operate a scarf.  I can also drive stick, and balance a cheque book.  Just kidding. I’ve never balanced a cheque book in my life.

The Mystery Of The See-Through Shirt

How exactly am I supposed to wear a see-through shirt?  It calls into question my very limited understanding of fashion, and causes me to doubt my own ability to properly dress myself.  I found one of these see-through shirts in the far reaches of my closet today, so I pulled it out and tried it on.  I realized, as I stood there naked inside my shirt, that well, I was very naked inside my very see-through shirt.  It was very real, humbling, and confusing.  I’m wearing it now, but as a scarf.  It made more sense.  I hope that was the right thing to do.