Own It!

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I just saw a woman with the sexiest walk ever.  The kind of walk that stops traffic, which is literally what happened.  She very nearly caused an accident.

I want that walk.  I need it.  Now that I’ve seen it and know it exists, I need to find a way to own it.  Which is why instead of being quick about picking up the few grocery items that I need tonight, I am prepared to sashay slowly through the produce department until either my hips give out, or someone drops their apples.  Whichever comes first.



Originally published on July 23, 2015 by Motherhood Made Me Do It


Half Done

I’m at the hair salon for highlights and a cut. I’ve reached that point during the appointment where I have been left alone in front of a six foot mirror, sitting directly beneath a spotlight, hair an angry mess of tinfoil and shame, wondering how the hell I was able to reach this level of ugly in such a short period of time.


Outside of the Matter


The other day a woman in her 20s commented on how unusual it was that I was wearing my scarf wrapped around my neck and on the inside of my jacket.  “I didn’t realize there were other options,” I said.  Her eyes lit up.  “Oh of course there are!” she exclaimed.  “You could loop it around the outside of your jacket so it hangs down a bit”.

I shook my head.  “But how will my neck stay warm?” I asked.

She stared blankly at me.  “I don’t know…” she said after a moment.

Listen, I may not be the most fashionable person around (stop laughing), but at least I know how to operate a scarf.  I can also drive stick, and balance a cheque book.  Just kidding. I’ve never balanced a cheque book in my life.

The Mystery Of The See-Through Shirt

How exactly am I supposed to wear a see-through shirt?  It calls into question my very limited understanding of fashion, and causes me to doubt my own ability to properly dress myself.  I found one of these see-through shirts in the far reaches of my closet today, so I pulled it out and tried it on.  I realized, as I stood there naked inside my shirt, that well, I was very naked inside my very see-through shirt.  It was very real, humbling, and confusing.  I’m wearing it now, but as a scarf.  It made more sense.  I hope that was the right thing to do.