I just saw a woman with the sexiest walk ever. The kind of walk that stops traffic, which is literally what happened. She very nearly caused an accident.
I want that walk. I need it. Now that I’ve seen it and know it exists, I need to find a way to own it. Which is why instead of being quick about picking up the few grocery items that I need tonight, I am prepared to sashay slowly through the produce department until either my hips give out, or someone drops their apples. Whichever comes first.
That awkward moment in the public change room at the pool when you are politely chatting with someone, then you turn away to undress, but realize that they are still talking. So you try to act all casual about public nakedness, and attempt to nonchalantly wrestle your body out of a wet, one-piece bathing suit that has nowhere better to be. As body parts start flying around in all different directions, and sweat begins to bond with the chlorine on your skin causing your bathing suit to suddenly super glue itself to your body, you try to smile and maintain strict eye contact, all the while trying to avoid smacking your head off the lockers behind you and ending up in a pitiful pile of shame on the floor.
I never was very good at small talk. Turns out I’m even worse when I’m naked.
Have you ever wondered why depression is so hard to see? It is because depression can be extraordinarily quiet. It has perfected the art of camouflage and deceit. You can sit in the same room as depression and never even know it’s there. It is buried beneath the soft smiles and brave faces of the ones we love. It blends in with the heroic souls who make the effort to show up day after day, never once whispering depression’s name. It is illusive, but if you do happen to catch its shadow out of the corner of your eye, don’t believe it when it tells you that it is fine. Depression would rather show you its finest armor than reveal the truth behind the hidden cracks within.
If you have ever lived with depression, you know that it is uncomfortably heavy. It is an unwelcome weight against your chest, a damp and foul burden pushing down until you feel its hot, sour breath against your cheek. Depression is hungry. It will feed on every last drop of your pain until you are left a hollowed out shell of your former self. Then it will demand more, and you will give it. Depression will steal your voice, distort your words, and work tirelessly to convince the world that you are doing fine in spite of it.
Depression hides in the shadows, and thrives on secrets and solitude. It shies away from love, light, and the power of compassion. When you share your story, there is power behind your words. You breathe life into your journey and invite those who are listening with open hearts to lend you their courage and strength while you heal.
For those who have felt the terrifyingly intimate embrace of depression, there may be days that are so deceptively dark that you will forget that you once knew light, but from them you will learn to see with your heart and lead with your soul. You will feel the strain in your muscles as you drag your burden from one day to the next, but you will build strength and courage with each step you take. Use those gifts to carry you through until the day you feel your shoulders relax and the knot in your chest begin to loosen.
The next time someone asks how you are, don’t let depression answer for you. Depression does not deserve to be fine. It is not worthy of the effort it takes to disguise its burdensome weight. Instead, take depression’s power away and say, “The truth is I’m not okay, and today I could really use your help.” ❤
There is a special kind of love that we save just for our friends. Not the kind of love that we share with our partner, but a kind of sweet, head over heels “giddy to have you in my life” sort of love. A love that is warm and reassuring, like a favourite scarf that is as comforting as it is beautiful. A love that is as familiar and gentle as the sun’s sweet sigh as it dips below the horizon. A love that is a perfectly balanced blend of laughter and tears, sarcasm and thoughtfulness. It is the kind of love that we share only with our dearest friends, the ones with whom we share our deepest fears and greatest regrets. The ones we turn to, breathless with excitement, to share our biggest accomplishments, and most astonishing secrets. It is the kind of love that is born out of trust and compassion, and it binds us so completely that we can lean into it, some days weak with need, without fear of causing it to break. Finding a friend to build that kind of love with is as simple as it is rare, and as compelling as it is raw.