My Perfect Life Isn’t So Perfect Afterall

This morning as I sat at the kitchen table, exhausted and searching for freshly brewed strength in the bottom of my coffee cup, I could hear my two oldest children upstairs laughing and running from room to room.  Suddenly, their laughter was cut short and replaced by angry yells and stomps.  I paused, mid sip, waiting for the house to explode.

“MUUUUUM!” my 5 year old son bellowed.  “Isaac PEED on me!!”

I sighed and gave up all hope of enjoying the rest of my coffee while it was still hot.  As I steeled myself to take on what was likely turning into an all-out brawl, my daughter suddenly spilled her milk all over the kitchen floor.  A sob bubbled up from inside her and burst forth with such devastating sorrow that my own heart began to ache.   My calm, tranquil morning had been shattered by pee, tears and spilled milk.  Such is life now with young children.  Quiet moments that I claim as my own are often snatched away like wisps of a dream as we are pulled from sleep.

I signed up for this, I remind myself.  My children, my husband; this family that I helped create.  Yet, some days I find myself admitting that this life that gives me such immeasurable happiness, is also the very thing that sometimes drags me under.  If you were to see my pictures and posts on social media, I’m sure my life would appear perfect, but I feel so far from perfect it’s almost laughable.  It’s not that I am trying to fool anyone, I just prefer to highlight and celebrate my family’s successes rather than focus too much on the uncomfortable heaviness I sometimes feel.   Parenting is a confusing blend of unexpected difficulty, and astonishingly sweet joy.  I often wonder if I have what it takes to balance it all, and to be the mother that my children need me to be.

I remind myself though in times like this that I am stronger than I believe, and I ask myself to not second guess that strength, because I have managed to create a family so heartbreakingly beautiful it sometimes hurts.  I have built a safe and loving world in which our family shines and thrives.  There have been bumps and bruises, mistakes and regrets, but they are ours, and we are stronger for it.

And so, this morning, as my children yelled, fought and cried, I slowly pushed back my chair from the table, took one last fortifying sip of coffee, then sloshed my way through pee, tears and spilled milk to begin the process of healing the hurts of the ones I love.  I have come to realize now that I draw strength from life’s challenges, and take comfort in the life I now live because of them.

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67 thoughts on “My Perfect Life Isn’t So Perfect Afterall

  1. OH I feel you on this one! WE have been enjoying spring break and yesterday the kids apparently had enough of each other. WE planned a trip to our local bounce house place, and the WHOLE morning and ENTIRE way there, they kept fighting and pushing each others buttons! Do you think I put that on social media? no.. I posted the cure pics of them playing, lol! Some days its awesome and some days it suck 😉

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  2. Honestly I can remember bringing up my two girls and thinking one day that they bring so much joy yet so much anguish too. Today Louise my youngest daughter and Ruby and Seth my grandchildren and I thought what a beautiful woman she is. Her children have been brought up to be polite and respectful too. It was worth every bit of the anguish of motherhood I wouldn’t change a thing. 💃🏼 PS being a grandmother 👵 is even better though if I am really being honest, because you can send them home 🏡

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      1. Honestly it is, Catherine my eldest daughter was a nightmare when she was young I used to tear my hair out, then I suddenly thought, she’s 3 years old and very bright. So I realised then that I had to keep one step in front of her and steer her away from getting … bored ….frustrated….. or a meltdown.

        She now as two degrees, two boys, one who is very similar to her and she can’t stop apologising to me for being a nightmare at times.

        It does get easier as they get older, not as entertaining though 😉

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    1. Thank you so much!
      It’s interesting that you say that. I have actually met mothers who claim they don’t find parenting challenging (or at least not emotionally challenging), and I find that I can’t relate to those women. I have liked them, but I can’t form any sort of meaningful connection with them.

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      1. I just realised how much my comments here contradict with my mother’s poison post 😂 To confirm…parenting is fucking stressful, but I’m secure in the knowledge that despite that stress I’m good at it and my kids are happy 😊😊 Just wanted to clear that up 😂

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  3. You have such a way with words. Sometimes it’s hard to keep it together when chaos ensues, but other times I feel a calmness and know I can handle things, something I didn’t used to feel in such moments.

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    1. I know exactly what you mean! I’m glad to hear that you do feel a calmness sometimes. It is so much easier to handle someone else’s big emotions when your own emotions aren’t getting in the way. 🙂

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    1. I hear this a lot, and I believe it! I do try to slow down and be in the moment, and I find if I enjoy the small things, it makes it easier to handle all the challenges. Our family does all sorts of fun activities, but it’s the in between moments that stay with me. The hugs and smiles; connecting with each of my kids, and seeing that I’m making a difference in their lives.

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  4. Posts like these remind me of the song by Trace Adkins “You’re gonna miss this” as he sings about all the crazy times and how they will be missed. It’s so true, and my eyes are welling up just thinking about it…..as my baby cries for the millionth time today, and my children bicker and scream at each other every other hour. 🙂

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    1. It’s so true. As hard as it is when we are in the thick of it, we will undoubtedly miss it once we are past it. It is such a hard, challenging time, but it is also so sweet and innocent. ❤

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  5. I just “found” your blog, and I am so glad I did. I have three children also, three boys age 9, 6, 3. I’m sure you can imagine that my life is pretty much like what you described in this post. All the time. I do admire you for being honest about both the highs and lows of motherhood. I feel the same way.
    (My husband don’t drink coffee so if he’s around, I get to drink my cup while it’s still hot! 😀 )

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    1. Thank you so much! This is such great feedback! And thank you for taking the time to read. 🙂 Good luck with your blogging. I have really enjoyed it so far!

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  6. yeah being a parent is exhausting and rewarding at the same time. I draw my strength from the beautiful smile i get from them. When these lil birdies grow up and fly away, we miss their chirruping, mess and noise…..

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    1. You are absolutely right! Sometimes I’ll find myself looking over at them when they are playing with each other, and I’ll think about how much I’m going to miss all this some day. ❤

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  7. This is wonderful. I relate to it so well, even though I just have one little 9 month old darling. I’m an #instamom and #momblogger and love to highlight the good, but that doesn’t mean it’s all good! haha

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    1. I’m so glad you can relate! I wrote it from the heart, and I was hoping that there were other moms out there who would read it and connect with the emotional roller coaster that I sometimes find motherhood to be. 🙂 Thanks so much for reading! ❤

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  8. Yes! My girls started out so sweet and loving to each other…and then the youngest learned to walk and not just sit there and be cuddled. All hell has broken out since. lol. We do what we do because we love them so much. It’s nice to hear from another mom who isn’t afraid to show the other side of the coin.

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